In the midst of regaining a life— food, marriage, and the like— I realize that is has been nearly two years since I have posted here. This makes me, at once, happy (because it is a testament to my living a life, actual and full) and sad (because I have not done an excellent job … Continue reading Time Flies…
Controversy lives in the world of treatment and recovery. Method versus madness. Mantra versus buzzword versus jargon. Diagnoses versus labels. Human versus diagnosis. What sticks versus that which only temporarily bandages. Are you your disorder? Are you a first timer? A repeat offender? How many times? How many pounds? Joints? Hits? Drinks? Hospitalizations? Brushes with … Continue reading Minds That Are Left Behind: We Cannot Be Healed in Body Alone.
Life does not go around handing out second chances. It just doesn't happen like that. If you get one, you take it and you run away with it as fast and as far as you can. You do not, under any circumstance, question it and you most definitely do not pass it up. Reach out. … Continue reading Calamity to Success— Strategies to Take Back Your Thoughts.
You would be surprised by how softly all of this begins. How it coos and beguiles; the way it enchants you, stimulates the mind, how it builds you up with a promise of never letting you down. You're suddenly calm. So collected. You welcome it as you would a close friend. It's as if you've … Continue reading “I was trying to make the shit stop.”*
We fall into the habit, while we are wasting away in front of the eyes of everyone who loves us, of scowling and screaming at the top of our lungs, I AM NOT SICK! I AM STRONG! Battle us with fervor and continue to force us to see the light, please; but do not discredit … Continue reading This Is The Plan That Tells Me, “You Do This Anyway” (commonly referred to as, be hard on yourself, you deserve it— the updated version; “Take Back Your Strength.”)
When I was 13, I felt the first piercing twinge of shame toward my body. It took me 8 years to discover that by not eating, I could not only shrink my physical self, I could also starve my emotions; bury my intrusive thoughts, dwarf my fears, and quell my anxieties. I could build invisible … Continue reading This Shifting, Destructive, Maddening Thing Is Not Weakness; It Is Your Own Strength Turned Against You.
When I was struggling to nourish myself, I lost right around 30% of my body weight. And I hadn't needed to lose weight in the first place. Nevertheless, more than anything else I heard during the time I looked like a zombie, compliments and jealousy were what passed over my ears and permeated into my … Continue reading Unhearing The Damaging Things You Will Hear in Your Recovery (also billed as— it’s not their fault; they truly do mean well).
One of my goals with this blog is to use it as a tool to start conversations about some of the things that we, as a society, have gotten profoundly wrong as they relate to mental health. It is imperative to point out our collective flaws when it comes to how we confront (or refuse … Continue reading I Didn’t Want You To Notice Me; I Wanted You To Stop Looking So I Could Disappear.
We all know the powerful truth that exists in the notion that you cannot save anyone but yourself. Likewise, nobody else can save you. Ultimately, you save yourself or you become complicit in your own demise. There is no other way. There may, however, be a detour. Today, I propose taking a slightly different entrance … Continue reading You Have To Get Well FOR YOU, But In The Meantime…
Words I wrote for myself about a year ago-- with, at that point, multiple and consecutive years of solid recovery behind me-- as I was reflecting on my own journey with fresh, healing eyes. Upon initial reading, I'm sure you're confused-- It is YOUR life, silly woman. You have EVERY right to do with it … Continue reading “For the first time, in all of these years, it becomes alarmingly evident to me that I had no right.”